You can imagine you are a nice person, until you have kids

Right now, right this moment I am absolutely sick of the sound of my own voice. "Pick up your clothes", "make your bed", "will someone, any child born from my body, puh-lease empty the dishwasher", "don't swear at your brother/sister", "can you at least be kind to each other".

Then I generally lose my banana and start screaming like a crazy woman. It's times like these that I am really grateful we live on 20 acres, in the suburbs I would likely have a reputation for being 'that mother'.

I eventually calm down, feel bad and think 'what kind of mother am I?", "what kind of example am I setting?". Not a good one. Then I call the kids together and apologise, saying that mummy lost it but could everyone please make a super special effort to be a little be more helpful and kind. Some nodding and some eye rolling from three kids.

I know in that rational part of my brain that I need to be more patient. That when I feel the frustration and stress levels rising I should breathe deeply. I must also remember to pick my battles, when to take action (and parent) or let things slide.

I thought the days of little people were hard, with picky eaters, potty training, mess, play and being constantly 'on call' but in reality I am beginning to think they were the good times. I was the mummy tyrant completely in charge of my kingdom of small people, who I made sure were in bed at 7pm. Now they are older and they have opinions - yes opinions! And sometimes I have little to no control, and they are riding their own wild hormonal roller coasters, and I just never know what I am going to get.

I've realised that mothering teens and tweens means that more than ever I must make time for self care. To get good sleep, exercise and inhale those endorphins, talk to supportive friends and family, and just find time for myself. 

Mostly importantly I need to shut down the negative self talk, particularly my internal monologue that says I'm a terrible mother. Because in reality I am - and we all are - doing the best we can.