OMG ... what is wrong with people?!?!

It's been a while since I've written a blog post. Over the past four weeks every child in my household has had chicken pox; while in an earlier blog I boasted of my amateur plumbing skills I broke a pipe doing some maintenance and we had no water for three days; and now it's school holidays. I'm being kind to myself and accepting that I'm doing the best I can right now :-)

Thinking about people trying to do the best they can, brought to mind a recent dinner table conversation. My son was talking about a kid at school who he thinks is a real 'jerk'. He punches him to get his attention and my son is fed up.

It led to a conversation about empathy. I acknowledged this boy's behaviour was really annoying but asked my son to put himself in his shoes, why did he think he was behaving this way? Turned out the boy was new at school and didn't have many friends. My son suggested that maybe his behaviour was to get his attention and he wanted to be friends - but doing this in a really unhelpful way.

We come across people we find annoying in all areas of our life. That friend who we know is always late and just 'inconsiderate' (not you Tara O); the work colleague who can't quite get things right and we think is 'hopeless'; that couple who always disappear when it comes time to pay the bill who are just 'so tight'. People who we think are abrasive, blunt, uncaring, mean and just plain annoying. I mean, what is wrong with people?!?!

I had a colleague at work who had strong views and communicated in a really direct way. I received daily work emails from her, and while from her perspective I'm sure she was just getting through her 'to do' list, for me every email felt like a slap in the face. 

I recently read Brene Brown's book 'Dare to Lead' and it really helped open my eyes about how best to manage these situations. In this book Brown talks about assuming that on any day people are generally just trying to do the best they can. If we assume this, and then apply empathy and generosity to people's actions we move can move from thinking of their actions in terms of what we think and feel they should be doing, and try to understand who they are and what they are attempting to do.

Brown goes on to write that when we do this we move past criticising, and on to ways of dealing with people's behaviour, whether that requires helping them to develop additional or new skills; a change of roles or 'letting them go'. 

From my experience this is easier said than done, but this thinking has really helped me in both my work and personal life.

So the next time you have a WTF moment in relation to the actions of a friend or colleague, think 'are they trying to do the best they can' and if so how can I stop being angry and frustrated and, using empathy, try to understand how I can best deal with their behaviour.

Have a good week. L x

References: Brene Brown, Dare to Lead, more info at: https://daretolead.brenebrown.com/