I'm so tired of 'kicking my own arse'

Crikey, well it's been a Covid rollercoaster particularly for Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne-ites. Living in NSW and on the border of the ACT, it's a tale of two cities.

In regional NSW it's check-ins, masks on, limitation on numbers in cafes and restaurants, and having people in your house. In the ACT it's pretty much business as usual. Masks are off, shopping centres are busy, as with cafes and restaurants - you just have to check-in. I even went to my daughter's school performance with hundreds at the Canberra Theatre - masks encouraged but most didn't wear a mask.

I have recently had a cold - I had a test it was not Covid :-) You know the saying 'feed a cold, and starve a fever'? I can assure you I fed that cold. Soup, toasties, porridge, chocolate, pasta, and on and on. It was an eat-a-thon.

It's still cold and so, so wet and grey here. I'm usually okay with winter because of crisp, cold days and beautiful sunshine but the sunshine has definitely been missing this year. I am feeling blah and think I have a bit of the winter SADs (seasonal affective disorder). I want to sit on the couch and binge watch TV, like forever.

So I'm feeling flat and tired, have gained a few pounds, and now I'm beating myself up about it. I'm in one of those thought spirals. I should redo the apple cider vinegar cleanse I did a few months ago and then remember how hungry I was most of the time and just how much spinach I had to eat. I should do the new HIIT workout I had recommended to me. Maybe a different diet, the 2:5 or something.

But you know what, I really don't wanna! I don't want to do any of it.

I remember a podcast I listened to recently. It was Glennon Doyle's new one called 'We Can Do Hard Things'. After reading her book 'Untamed' I have become a bit of a Glennon Doyle fan, however do find the whole American therapy-speak a bit too much sometimes. The podcast was called 'Our bodies: why are we at war with them and can we ever make peace'.

Glennon is quite open about her history with an eating disorder, and in this podcast talks about the pressure she puts on herself around exercise and food. And she recently made a decision. That she didn't want to do it any more. That she didn't want to 'kick her own arse'. She wasn't going to push herself with a personal trainer.  She wanted to keep moving her body, but instead was only going to do things she loved, walking and relaxing yoga. 

In my head I was like 'Yeah, I feel the same way'. I'm so tired of beating myself up about my diet and my body. Of not ordering what I want on a menu; of feeling guilty about not exercising more and that it needs to be more weights or cardio, or whatever. Like Glennon, I am tired of the voice in my head and tired of kicking my own arse.

I know that everyone is going through their own things at the moment and thought it worth sharing my little internal meltdown with you. It's a reminder that whatever we are going through we need to be kind to ourselves, and hit those 'kicking our own arse' thoughts on the head.

I know I need to keep active, and that exercise is one of the things that helps keep us happy and well. It's why there is an exercise reminder bell on the 'Find Your Calm' bracelet. But for now, I'm going to stop worrying about it so much and go at a slower pace.

I'm going to end with the words of Dr Seuss:

Wake every person,
pig and pup,
till EVERYONE
on Earth is up!

Except for me.
Please go away.
No up.
I'm sleeping in today.

OR if you're me, I'll get a few more things done but make sure I find some couch time and take a leisurely stroll with the doggies.

L x