How do we measure happiness?
I am currently having a career break and joke to family and friends that it’s a ‘planned’ mid-life crisis. I recently read ‘More Than a Woman’ by Caitlin Moran, a guide to growing older that is also a celebration of middle-aged women - which I thoroughly recommend reading if you get the chance. In her book Moran considers ways to find happiness, joking it’s a choice between the big G (God) or yoga - spoiler alert, she chooses yoga!
The God or yoga choice made me laugh, as I have been spending time understanding more about religion, including listening to a sermon by Father Mike Schmitz (seems I am following a typical mid-life crisis path, so perhaps yoga is next!).
I was interested in how we measure happiness in today’s world, and that it is often measured by our accomplishments like doing well at school or sports, career success, getting married, having children, buying a house … If I have all these things I am successful, I will be happy.
The sermon by Father Mike caught my attention as he said that many of us live our lives as if we have unlimited time. That we are always looking forward, thinking about the next goal, degree, achievement or purchase, and that sometimes it is important to look back and consider what we have already done and whether we are living our best lives.
Father Mike talked about resume virtues - our accomplishments and what we have done - and that so much of life is focused on these virtues. He then talked about eulogy virtues, the things that get talked about at our funeral. For example, at a funeral the speeches often don’t say, ‘she had two degrees, bought her first home at 27 and was the youngest Vice President of the Asia Pacific region’ instead they refer to the person’s kindness, generosity or the time invested in community.
It made me think that we spend so much of our lives focused on the resume virtues and that maybe we should spend more time on the eulogy virtues. That life, success and happiness must be about more than ticking off a list of predetermined goals.
As part of this we also forget to think about ourselves because that would be selfish. However looking after ourselves, our minds and our bodies, and spending time doing things that make us feel fulfilled or happy ensures we are better able to live our best life, whatever that may be.
I will leave you with the a list from Australian author Bronnie Ware’s memoir ‘The top five regrets of the dying’:
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.