Feel what you need to feel

We have been sold a lie, that our aim in life is to be happy! But a happy life is not necessarily living your best life.

When we scroll through social media we see images of happy people, families and lives; beautifully styled homes (how do they do that!); and beautiful people. We hold our own lives up to these examples and can't help but feel like we are falling short. 

When we are unhappy, we often look for a quick fix. We say to ourselves if only we can have that new house, car, outfit then we will be be happy. We end up on a hamster wheel of work, retail therapy and debt, and while it may make us happy in the short term, it doesn't last. We also turn to other quick fixes like mindless snacking, drinking too much or binge-watching reality TV shows.

For these reasons, I'm thinking our goal in life should not be the pursuit of happiness - stay with me here :-) I say this because if we base all our decisions on ensuring we (or our children) are (or stay) happy, we would not take risks, fail and pick ourselves back up again, or get our hearts broken. All the feelings we experience when we live our lives to the fullest, like joy, fear, excitement, anger, frustration, sadness, we're meant to feel these things. Our feelings, and feeling our feelings, make us stronger and more resilient in the long run, and help us to better appreciate the happy times.

Learning to deal with our feelings can be hard, particularly because they can make us feel so uncomfortable in our skin. I'm reminded of the quote, 'that when worries come, be still and know', as it relates to the practice of meditation or prayer. This is because when we are still, we slow our breathing and this calms our mind and emotions, and allows us to really listen and tune in to our needs and reactions. This is why the advice we often give to people who are angry or upset is, “First, take a deep breath, and count to ten.”

Meditation (or prayer) can help us cope with our feelings. When we are having a bad day, and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, there are other self-care practices that also nurture our body, mind and spirit, such as:
1. Getting enough sleep
2. Eating healthy and enjoying the occasional treat
3. Making time for exercise
4. Spending time with family and friends
5. Volunteering in our community

So let's embrace our feelings and being a hot mess sometimes. Let's strive for a life that is crazy, silly, happy, sad and adventurous ... and that we can share with people we truly love.

L x